Nightmare

 Many people think that everyone wants to live in the United States. The American dream always seemed for me like something really impressive  but I didn’t see myself in it. When war came to Ukraine, my family made me come to the United States and I already had negative thoughts and assumptions about  living in the United States because I left everything that I loved and dreamed about behind. However, I had never thought that the first year would be that horrible. Despite all difficulties, I learned things that made my life better. 

My first year in Chicago was a nightmare for me. After I arrived in Chicago, for the first few weeks I couldn’t believe I was in the United States, but the next few weeks, I couldn’t believe that it was the end of my dreams. In the beginning, I felt lonely, but because I was also so shocked, loneliness didn’t feel that bad. Moreover, I was thinking about how everything is huge and different, including high school, new country and new language. However, after a few weeks my nightmare started because I started to daydream a lot. I was daydreaming about home and my friends as if I was still back in Ukraine. I started to daydream about my unrealized dream. In Ukraine my best friend and I wanted to apply to one university together. Therefore, we had started preparing and working hard for that university. After a few months of preparation both of us got accepted into that university with high grades. However, I had to leave all my dreams about it in Ukraine and move to the United States. Moreover, I have had the fear that I would never see my home, friends, some members of my family and everything that I love and left again. Because the war has been going on in Ukraine, there is a huge possibility that everything and everyone could be destroyed or killed by bombs. All these thoughts and worries brought me depression and anxiety. Therefore, every day I started my day from crying because I had to survive one more day again and finished my day with crying lying in my bed because I couldn’t do it anymore. 

​ Going through my nightmare I have learned and tried a new way of living. In the United States most people don’t really think about people’s opinions or what people wear because they mind their own business. Moreover, in the United States, the desire to conform to beauty standards or even beauty standards are uncommon unlike in Ukraine. In fact, it is common to see someone in pajamas at a store or a man who is wearing a dress. In the United States, everybody can be themselves and wear whatever they want and most people don’t even care. However, my parents taught me that I always have to think about what people think about me. Therefore, I always had to look good and wear something nice even if it was not really comfortable. Moreover, I had to help everybody or do everything that people asked me to do in order to make a good impression about myself. It is hard to imagine how relieved I felt after I let it go and stopped trying to make a good impression about myself. Americans taught me that it is enough to be just yourself, and I don’t have to try to be the person that everybody likes.

​Moving to another country and encountering depression, anxiety and culture shock, I found something that I was trying to fit in my life for years. I found less caring what people think and accepting myself in the way I am. Therefore, even going through a nightmare, it is possible to learn something good. Moreover, the first year I believed that I didn’t belong here, but now I start liking being here or just getting used to it.  Now, I am not sure if I will be ready to live somewhere else, even including the fact that I still miss my home. I hope that I will be able to stay in the United States for at least a few more years, but if not, then I hope that moving to another country will be easier for me the next time.